


#16 Welcome to the Catland

by HanHan_Solo156



Series: Hanhan’s Rammstein short stories [15]
Category: Rammstein
Genre: A tiny hint of unexpected Paulchard, Alice in Wonderland vibes, Catland, Flake misses his cat, Gen, I honestly dunno, Rammstein as cats, Short Story, halloween fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-01
Updated: 2019-11-01
Packaged: 2021-01-16 10:17:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21269423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HanHan_Solo156/pseuds/HanHan_Solo156
Summary: Flake misses his beloved pet, Furball, still after months and after Till had gently suggested their keyboardist to finally move on and clean all the cat stuff up, he finds something odd.





	#16 Welcome to the Catland

**Author's Note:**

> Well, October went already but weird short stories suit the dark season in general, despite the month. 8-)

_The prompt: After the death of a friend or family member, the character (and possibly one or a few others) finds a hidden trap door in their home while cleaning out their belongings. Inside, they uncover secrets the deceased was hiding._

* * *

Furball’s sudden death had been hard to admit for Flake. Even after months, he was still deeply in his sorrow and couldn’t have cleaned up all the cat-related stuff around the house. Everything was still like when Furball had been there - the only difference was that the food bowl was empty. Flake knew it wasn’t healthy trying desperately to hold on from the old things - those just kept reminding how lonely he was now when his pet had left this world. Till had been supportive all the way and had gently suggested that maybe it was time to get rid of the things - time to move on with tiny steps forward.

Flake laid on a sofa which had become too familiar in the last months - the kingdom of his grief, with plushie toys and a worn-out blanket that still had cat fur on it.

He blinked his watery eyes when the sweet memories of his beloved pet came back again. _It can’t go on forever like this, verdammt…an adult man, weeping for a cat, how embarrassing. Till is always right, I should listen to him._

He stood up and with a sigh, decided that this was the day: he had to start cleaning the cat stuff away, even though how painful it felt. All the broken mouse toys, yarn, and catmint spread around the house - everything should go now.

_Okay, this is then. _He put melancholic classical music on and started his work.

After way too many hours the cleaning was finally done - Flake had broken the promise just a tiny bit and saved some of Furball’s favorite toys, including a rustling Grumpy Cat -plushie, as memories.

But, his eyes caught something unusual in the darkest corner of a wardrobe where he had hidden the cardboard box full of cat things which were meant to go to the trash. “Wait a minute, I never installed a cat door,” he muttered, “and why on earth would I even need a door here in the first place?” _Or maybe this has something to do with that night when we tested Paul’s homemade moonshine and got the worst diarrhea ever and almost got blind… _

But even more bizarre than just the door was a small bottle on the floor next to it.

_Gott im Himmel, what is going on? Does somebody want to poison me or did Furball have a secret tavern here?_

Flake took the tiny bottle in his hand and tried to read the gibberish written on it: “Ämät ouj.”

“Ämät ouj…” he kept repeating. _Is this even any real language?_

He left the door and the bottle there and tried to think about something else but as the evening went on, it was impossible to get the weird things in his wardrobe out of the head. Flake shut the tv down and took his laptop. Just for fun, he tried to type the text on a translator, but like he assumed, with no results.

Then, out of nowhere, he remembered how in detective novels the letters had to be arranged in a different order to solve a riddle. He tried the classic: putting the text backward.

“Heureka!” Flake yelled accidentally out loud - even though how impossible, it had worked.

It was a command. “In Finnish: Juo tämä - in English: drink this.”

_No way, this must be some kind of stupid prank…maybe it’s just Reesh’s hidden flask from our last party._

Flake hesitated for a while and thought what could be the worst that could happen. He could go blind or even worse, suffer a slow and painful death. But still, curiosity was too strong - he had to give it a try.

He went back to the wardrobe and just in case, typed the emergency number ready to his phone.

“Okay, here goes for nothing…”

He gulped the whole bottle and expected to have a bitter and burning taste in his mouth but surprisingly, the drink was neutral, with a hint of sweetness in it.

At first, nothing seemed to happen and Flake was assured it had to be just a prank. He decided to go to sleep - how stupid he had been to think this might lead to something interesting. What was he expecting?

But when he started walking it ended up being difficult - he was shrinking.

The whole wardrobe looked enormous from a different angle.

“No fucking way!” Flake exclaimed in disbelief as he noticed he had suddenly paws instead of hands.

And in front of the cat door, he saw a tiny text he was unable to see before.

**ENTER**

~**~

Two cats were sleeping in a basket: another one was completely black, with a red ribbon in his neck and the other one, tinier, was red and striped. They were curled tightly together in a ball when the black one opened his eye - he was sure he had heard steps. That was unusual.

“Somebody’s coming here.”

“Who could it be?” the red one mumbled and didn’t even bother to open his eyes when he had been just dreaming of a sweet mouse hunting trip with his companion.

“I have no idea, but I should have a look.”

The black cat left his comfortable place, swearing himself for the pleasant moment been interrupted ruthlessly. He licked his friend’s ear. “I’ll be back soon, Paulchen.”

“Be careful, Liebling.”

The intruder got more and more visible as he approached. It seemed to be a slender and completely naked cat.

“Who are you and what are you doing here?” the black cat hissed.

The newcomer stopped. “You have no idea how much I’d like to have answers to those questions as well. But who are you?”

“My name is Richard,” the other cat answered proudly.

The naked cat’s pupils widened in his new yellow eyes. “No fucking way…”

“What?”

He took a step forward and scrutinized the other cat. “Holy shit, it is really you, Reesh. This is unbelievable!”

Richard started to get uneasy. “H-how do you know that name?”

“Because we are in the same band, silly.”

_Okay, is this naked guy high on catmint or what is this shit he’s talking about?_ “What is…a band?”

The newcomer sighed - so it seemed like he had entered a world without even music. How great. “We play music together, in umm…humanforms.”

Richard now looked like he was going to throw up. “…human?” The thought of being a relative for smelling monkeys made him nauseous. It was almost like an insult to be even mentioned in the same sentence with those creatures. “Don’t say things like that or I assure you I’m gonna scratch your eyes out!”

“Yes, we both were humans in my…universe or whatever it was, believe it or not.”

_Universe? What is he talking about?_ “But why in the hell are you here?” Richard asked and didn’t want to believe anything he had just heard.

“That’s another story.” The naked cat stared at the ground, embarrassed, and tried to change the subject. “But do you happen to know a cat named Furball? White one, with grey stripes.”

Richard licked his lips and answered vaguely: “I might know him. Why?”

“Can you lead me to him, please. I need answers for this whole mess.”

“Perhaps, perhaps…but first, it would be nice to know with whom I’ve been talking to.”

“My name is Flake,” the naked cat finally revealed and offered his paw for Richard. When the other feline kept staring at it in confusion, Flake immediately withdrew it. He could have blushed if it would have been possible.

“Sorry, I’m not just used to…your species’ culture yet.”

“It seems like we have a lot of things to teach you then,” Richard said slyly and stretched, ready to leave. “C’mon, let’s go. We have to find your Furball and also meet Till and Schneider if they could help you in…whatever it is you need.”

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Halloween everyone!


End file.
